oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
