i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
