Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
operation have a gay friend backfired
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
