it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
