I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
