maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
