She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
