I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
