u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
