saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
