dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
