you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
