He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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