it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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