so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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