he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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