I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
