i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
