on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
3 2 1 whiskey
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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