May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
do herpes really smell.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
