I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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