I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
we're so committed to being not committed
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
