No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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