So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
