I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just had sex bonerless
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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