you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
