perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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