I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
