you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
