The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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