Pappa wants mamma naked
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
