I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
