i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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