Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
