Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
