East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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