sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
