I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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