is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
