im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
