Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
