I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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