I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize