3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
