i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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