this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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