I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
