Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
my liver is dry heaving
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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