just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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