A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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